Yesterday the world lost a comedian, a man who loved to make his family laugh.

Yesterday my family lost a loved one, a man who showed his love to each and everyone of us is his own fashion.

Yesterday I lost one of the men who helped define me, a man who patiently listened to me and took the time to help in whatever fashion he could.

Yesterday that man remembered all the above.

As most of you know my Grandfather passed away yesterday during his sleep.  I will tell you that was one of the hardest phone calls for my husband to take since he had gotten to know my grandfather well.

My Grandfather has been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s and during the past month, had gotten worse.  I am lucky that I got to spend a week with him, and have some good memories to replace the last one I had of him which frankly scared me.

Yesterday I cried with the rest of the family before the Great Granchildren were brought over.  It is truly amazing to me the wonders of them.  They were all too young to realize what is happening.  David was fascinated by the fish my Aunt had, and prompted the first real laugh not tinged by grief when one of the fish took of to intimidate the shark.  His screams of “Fish! Fish! Fish!!” made us all laugh.  And for the rest of the day, Caidence, David, Jaxom and Baby Luke who was born only a week earlier, cheered up that household.

Last night when we had gotten home, I cried.  I told my husband it seems like it just didn’t end and that I was hardly keeping up with it.  I had forgotten for a second that Bear was dead and was looking forward to being home and bring greeted by him.  I also had thought I had grieved when I realized my Grandfather was gone and the man who looked like him was a shell of the awesome person I called Grandfather.

This was not true.  I had held out hope in my heart that there would be a miracle cure that would give me back my Grandfather.  I just had to be patient.  So when that call came at 2am, I was shocked.  He was gone.  No second chances, no miracle drug.

I went with the family to the hospital, but refused to see him, wanting my memories to be of him alive.  I was outside and listened to my family breakdown.

Afterwards, we went to my Aunt’s house in a state of shock.  Making fun of everyone’s alarms for them getting to work, my husband winning with the earliest.  Then became the chore of calling in.

The rest of the day passed in a haze, old friends reconnecting in the tragedy, our family finding out how rich we are in friends and family.

Even though I posted here that he had passed away and that I will not be posting a chapter this week, I admit I still had not admitted it.  When I was asked many times if I had let my family know, the Larricks, I finally admitted it.  I wrote the email fine, but putting it out on Facebook, was the last line.

Alzheimer’s is a nasty disease.  It actually makes you lose the person twice.  And like me, many retain that hope that something will come along and give you back the person it took.  My family has requested in lieu of flowers being sent, that donations be made to Alzheimer’s foundation in his name.  There is a tribute page we have made for him, Alzheimer’s Association to make it easier.   Our family originally did a goal for a $100.  We have raised that in hopes that we can help other families not to go through this.

Thanks for listening to me, and I really appreciate all the wishes for my family.  Right now, I am trying to get back to normal, but there is no normal for me right now.  So I will settle with dealing.


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