Welcome to My Silly Life

Story:  Alice Syfy

Song:  F**kin Perfect by P!nk

Written by: Kittyinaz

Summary:  I was asked for Alice’s view.

Alice has always been insecure about love.  Her father being taken from her on the day she had broken down and cried in his arms didn’t help.  For a long time she had blamed herself for him leaving.  Ok, in reality she still blamed herself, up until she traveled to Wonderland and found that he had been taken, unwillingly.

Then there is Hatter.  So perfect, handsome, and so sure of himself.  She had been drawn to him, who can blame her?  Who wouldn’t want a man like him?  But her insecurities had come in and made her push him away.  Jack?  Jack had been safe to date because he was using her, but that was par for the course with the men in her life.

Now here she is, sitting in her apartment, depressed, lonely, heartbroken.  She had chased the perfect man from her life.  But, in her defense, she had listened to his comments on missing Wonderland from their first date.

They went out to an Italian restaurant and ate while talking.  They joked about how the food here was different from Wonderland.

Hatter had been grinning and he commented, “I never thought I would miss borogrove.  Of all the foods to miss!”

That was the first time he had brought it up.  She had worried if that had been a quiet suggestion from Hatter that he was missing Wonderland, and wanted to return.  It hurt her that he couldn’t just tell her.  But, for the rest of the night, his attentions were on her, her only.  He even took her to see Wicked, which she had mentioned that she wanted to see.

But Alice just couldn’t forget. No, Not her.  Not with her memory.   She was scared of the heartache if he left.  So she tortured herself for months.  She asked him questions about Wonderland to try to see if he wanted to go back.  And sadly, he answered every single one of them.

The last time she had asked one of those questions that has been bugged her from their time in Wonderland.

Hatter and Alice had been at her place.  They had been watching movies and talking, Nothing out of ordinary for the two of them.  Hatter was in a corner of the couch and she had been lying against him.  His arm was around her, his other hand playing with her hand.

Then Alice asked him, “Who was Carlota St. Delaware?” She wanted to know.

Hatter looked down at her and answered, “A girl I dated in Wonderland.  Why?”

Alice shook her head and slid out of his arms.  She gets answers on all the questions she really doesn’t know and the one that she doesn’t?  He wimps out.  She moved out of his arms and when Hatter tried to hold her, she told him, “I will be right back.” She got up and went to the bathroom.

Alice stood in front of the mirror and just tried to stop herself from crying.  She needed to get him to leave now before he regrets leaving Wonderland for her.  Everything is Wonderland this, Wonderland that.  He will begin hating her for him leaving his homeland.  And her heart just couldn’t take it.  She loves him too much.  So she needs to get him to go back.

Alice came back in the room.  She was surprised to see Hatter sitting on the edge of the sofa.  He had turned off the movie and was waiting for her.  She looked at him and asked, “Hatter, what is wrong?” Did he guess what she had decided?

He looked up at her and asked, “Alice, what is wrong?  You keep asking me questions.  I answer them truthfully, but you pull away from me more and more.  It has been eight months.  Eight months that I have been trying to be patient.  But this is too much.  Tell me what is wrong?”

Alice stared at him and she shook her head, “It’s nothing, Hatter.” No, she can’t do this yet, no!  She is not ready yet!

Hatter stood up and moved to her quickly.  He looked down at her and told her, “Now that is a bloody lie, Alice.  I love you.  I just want to know what is going on.  How can I fix it if you don’t trust me enough to tell me?”

He pushed the wrong buttons and Alice’s temper flares up.  Alice glared up at him and finally told him, “I am tired of listening to what you miss from Wonderland.  If you miss it so much, Go BACK!  I have tried to be nice.  I have tried to be patient.  But like you said, enough is enough.  Go back to your world, Hatter.”

Hatter took a step back and then scrunched his face in thought.  He asked with a genuine sound of confusion in his voice, “Alice, where did you get this idea?  The only time we have brought up anything from Wonderland has been your questions.  Or times we are talking about our adventure.  Alice, what is going on?”

Alice just stared at him, “Go home, Hatter.  Leave.” Please… pretty, pretty please.  Just go.  She needs him to leave before this gets too painful.

Hatter watched her and asked again, “Alice, trust me.  I am home.”

Alice took a step away from him when he tried to pull her into his arms.  She walked to the door and opened it.  She stood there, not staring at him. She was remembering the last time she did this, but then her heart wasn’t breaking.  It had been actually a sense of relief to send Jack packing.


She refused to look at him. She couldn’t or she would throw herself into his arms begging him to choose her, forget Wonderland.

Hatter moved slowly to the door.  He tried to reach for her again and she moved away. His hand dropped, his whole body radiated misery and rejection.  He tried one last thing, “Alice, I am not leaving.  You are my home.  I love you.”

Alice finally said something, “Go home to Wonderland, Hatter.  You told me once that Wonderland was your home and you couldn’t leave it.” She knew it was a shot below the belt, but he is making this too hard!

Hatter’s shoulders dropped more.  He stared at her but when she refused to move; he turned and walked out the door.

Alice shut the door and slid down it, the tears she had hidden from him poured down her face. She had sent her love out the door.  But it was for his own good. 

It had been a bad decision, but one that her brain had said needed to be made, while her heart, soul, and body was arguing about it.  And Alice can’t take it.

She wants Hatter.  She wants his arms around her, his voice in her ear.  She craves him so much she is broken, unable to be in her silly life. She had made the decision to find him and beg for him to come back her.  For them to talk.

So where to find the man of her life?  Well that has been a problem; she has gone everywhere and not found him.

As she sits in her bed she looks over at her nightstand and sees her old Alice in Wonderland book.  Then she realizes what she needs to do, where Hatter is.  She gets up and gets ready.  She almost has a panic attack when she couldn’t find a critical element, but she finds it and smiles for the first time in months. Now to find Hatter.

Hatter had woke up and made himself breakfast earlier that day.  He hasn’t seen anyone for over a week, but today, today he will need to go and get food.   But something makes him delay and he cleans up his site, taking his time.

But then he hears the sound of boots on the concrete floor. His eyes widen, and he jumps up, his heart pounding. Can it be her?

Alice decides that it has been taking too long to walk up to Looking Glass, and to be honest, she just wants Hatter’s arms around her, his voice to tell her it is all ok.  So she starts running, since she knows very well these boots can handle her running in them.

She runs around the corner, realizing she is about to repeat what she did the first time.  But this time, this time someone catches her around her waist and pulls her to them.

Hatter couldn’t believe it when Alice ran around the corner in her blue dress, raspberry tights and oh ye gods! Those boots!!  Then he snaps to the fact that she is going too fast and is about to dive head first into the Looking Glass.  Reacting to that, he grabs her and uses her momentum to swing them away from the Glass and to pull her to him.

Alice gasps, she knows these arms, and that scent.  She says softly, “Hatter?”

Hatter can’t help himself and he kisses her head.  He answers just as softly, “Alice?”

Alice turns in his arms and flings her arms around him, sobbing.  Hatter holds her tightly, rubbing her back and trying to calm her down.  He hears her tell him, “I ::sobs:: am s-s-s-orry ::sob::, you d-d-d-didn’t leave, :gasping sob:” then the words that make  his heart light, “I love you!”

Hatter pulls her even tighter in his arms, he hears her gasping breath.  Making a decision, he picks her up, moves them away from the Glass room and to the office he had just had finished next door. It is decorated it similar to the one in Wonderland, but with wood floors, since he can’t seem to get grass to grow.

He sits down on the white couch and holds her to him.  Time passes, but to the two of them, it is like time has stopped just for the two of them.

Hatter is determined to make sure that Alice is his.  They will talk.

Alice calms down, and they sit there for a second just being.  But she knows this is her fault and she tells him, “I am sorry.”

When Hatter goes to interrupt her, she tells him, “Please, don’t.  Just listen, I won’t be able to finish unless I say this now.”

At his nod, she continues, “I am sorry for all of this.  You always talked of Wonderland, I began to feel like nothing, and was scared of you leaving me when you realized that you loved Wonderland more than me.  So I decided to ask you questions, hoping you would realize this.  But you answered them and never left.  So I pushed you, partly because the one question I wanted answered you didn’t.  Dammit.  Why don’t these things sound like they do in your head?”

Hatter has had enough, “Alice.  I love you and only answered the questions to satisfy your curiosity.  I have nothing for me back in Wonderland.  You are here, you are my life, my love.  I have been here for the last eight months waiting for you.  And Alice?”  When she looks up he stares intently into her eyes and tells her with steel in his voice, “Don’t you ever feel less than perfect.  If you ever feel like your nothing, just remember, you are perfect to me.” He kisses her.  He knows they have a lot to talk about, but right now, they will work it out. Alice is here in his arms and they will fix this.

Yes it is VERY disjointed, but bear with me.  Alice is upset.  And Hatter?  I write him so much better.  Always have and always will I guess.

Thanks for reading. ~Wendy

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